At times even medical treatment and mental-health is something a transsexual can laugh about. In a non sarcastic way I mean... Some of these laughs I had over the years I would like to share here! (Ok, some of them are sarcastic...)
All these quotes have been part of my "real life experience", the only changes I have made are abbreviations in the text and changes to maintain the anonymity of people and places.

 

   

[Medical professional] You must be mental - In a good way I mean…

 

[Urologist] That looks quite normal. [Me] At times it gets a lot bigger… [Urologist] OF COURSE it gets BIGGER, that’s NORMAL!!! [Me] Yes, but this hurts! [Urologist] I have seen quite enough of your kind to stop asking myself any questions…

 

[Medical professional] I didn’t expect you to show up as a woman! [Me] Sorry, it’s what transsexuals do…

 

[Medical professional] Do you like sex? [Me] One gets children from it, I like children, so yes, I like sex [He] That’s not what I meant! [Me] You mean that ‘instant gratification’ one is supposed to get from male sex? [He] Ok, let’s come back to that later…

 

[Counsellor] you might want to try some make-up! [Me] I’m not good at that, this would turn-out dreadful! [She] Ask your partner to show you! [Me] That’ll just turn the result from dreadful to horrible…

 

[At a Medical Office, Me] Sorry for the picture on my health-card, I’ve changed a little since that got taken… [She] You can say that, I would not have recognized you from this picture [Me] Thank you! [She] This is really your card, isn’t it?

 

[Urologist] If you could tell me how to get rid of testicular pain we could make millions… [Me] I’d like to try a castration…

 

[Medical professional] Why do you think psychiatry doesn’t work? [Me] Honestly? Psychiatry isn't the solution, psychiatry is the problem! [He] Hmmm... I can see that it might be difficult to bring this issue up at counselling…

 

[Medical professional] I send you to counselling to get to know you better [Me] But this way my counsellor gets to know me, not you. If you want to get to know me, I could spend some time with you! [He] That’s not how this is done. JUST GO!

 

[Pharmacist, looking at my insurance-card] You should have your sex changed... [Me] I’m working on it... [She] Here’s the 800-number of your insurance company’s customer service, they can do this for you…

 

[At the pharmacy, showing my insurance-card] But you are a woman, are you not? [Me] Yes, of course, legally and otherwise [She] They really shouldn’t make these kinds of mistakes… [Me] I agree…

 

[Medical professional] If there’s something missing in your file I am sure we can make something up…

 

[She] You know that the medical treatment of transsexuals goes by the three-‘s’-rule? [Me] Three ‘s’? [She] Steroids, stereotypes and sex!

 

[A transwoman] You know, from their perspective this surgery is like amputating your brain… [Me] Well, I don’t exactly think with that penis… [She] Yes, I know that… But their penises say otherwise!

 

[At mental-health, me] Have you noticed: Every major organ has a society these days! There’s the lung association, there’s heart and stroke foundation, the kidney foundation, the pancreas has the diabetes foundation, even bone-marrow has it’s own society - only the brain does not!! [She] …To promote mental-health? [Me] …To promote thinking

 

[Mental-health professional, about me] ...Just an ordinary woman with an extraordinary past!

 

[Medical professional] You must have noticed that you are quite exceptional for a transsexual. [Me] That may be so, but isn’t the idea of medicine to treat each patient according to her needs? [He] I’m not talking about medicine here…

 

[Me, at mental-health] The fact that you can’t make sense of me doesn’t mean that I have a mental disorder!

 

[Medical professional, some time after surgery] The whole thing they made you go through to get here must have seemed like a bad joke to you [Me] The thought has crossed my mind…

 

[Me] My surgeon may want a note to confirm that I am in counselling [Counsellor] Just what was it you want to get done there again?

 

[Medical professional] So they say you’re done with transition? [Me] What transition?

 

[Me, at mental-health, second counsellor] I need these signatures to get my surgery, can you help me? [She] I think we’re way past that stage now…

 

[Me] They’ve thrown me out at counselling. I am apparently incurably female so they won’t waste any more of their valuable time on me. [Medical professional] We all knew this would happen sooner or later... Just don’t tell anybody about it!

 

[Medical professional] You’re doing everything right, don’t worry, we’ll get you there. [Me] Well, ok. But I am not doing anything to get anywhere... [Medical professional] I told you, you’re doing everything right!